My new year began when I stepped out of the Orlando courthouse on July 19, 2012, a newly single and free woman- freed from a relationship that I allowed to diminish me, free to live my life ahead as I wish. I stood at the top of the steps and had the most incredible sense of empowerment come over me. I liken it to what being a Superhero must feel like. I resolved there to take a year off from relationships, and specifically, to begin a relationship with myself. I also promised myself to never allow anyone to treat me badly, especially not my partner. But this blog is not about relationships, or men. It is no feminist treatise, although I know I will have some things to say in favor of women’s rights from time to time, after what I have been through, and as I learn to stand up for my own rights for once.
This is a forum for my Self-ness, for learning how to be me, how to peel back the layers of the belief system that has kept me from my truest Self. I have many resources for this process, namely friends and family, and I will be taking from writers, wisdom, yoga, facebook tidbits, healthy things- all that is Truth, in other words… This is very personal and intended to be so. Knowing that others’ stories and experiences have helped and guided me, I hope to offer the same to anyone out there who can use these words and this energy in any way to bring about positive changes.
My triumphal entry into my “new” life has begun, and it took great pains to take this step, to open this door and stride in. I often feel figuratively still stuck in the door, clumsily trying to prop it open while I shuffle in too many bags of stuff- um, baggage! But I allow for this part of my process, and recognize the moments of triumphant striding, too: Divorcing a disrespectful relationship, quitting my comfy job and leaving my comfort zone, my community, my strength base to move to Brooklyn to start over. As well as, shaving off my hair so that it can grow in new along with my new life. Just me proving my Courage to Myself-
The above is the premise. The most important point is that I am taking a year for myself. A year free of romantic attachments of any kind, including sex; a year off from Vanity- my head is shaved, my eyebrows are coming back in, etc.; a year to get in the best physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual shape of my Life; a year to really bask in what I most enjoy: culture, health, art, textiles, travel, languages, music, cooking, living!; a year to break away from remaining “limiting beliefs” that hold me back; a year to investigate and develop my artistic talents.
I admit to a real fear of failure, rejection, etc. when it comes to art and designing. This has held me back a long time. This is my year to jump this hurdle, to get creative till it hurts, till I can’t not create. Till I can only spend my time creating, and trying, and trying again, till I get it. This is what I want to share in this space. This is what is most important.
And yes, it sounds like a lot to accomplish in one year, because it is (I’m a Capricorn). In this year, I am simply laying the groundwork for what I need my life to be: a happy, healthy adventure.
Cheers to that!